Are We Really Going to Blame This on Black Magic?

According to this Reuters news story, police in Congo have arrested 13 sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal men’s penises.

Uh….pardon?

If you read further into the article, you will see that in most cases, the penis isn’t actually missing, just critically downsized. While some doubt the veracity of these nefarious spells, members of the community are understandably rattled by the shrinkage to their manhood. According to one witness in Kinshasa, “It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.”

Oh my goodness where to start. Too many wisecracks, too many wisecracks. Hmmm. Can’t decide, can’t decide.

I think it’s best if I just refrain for now.

But c’mon, are we seriously going to pin this on black magic? Isn’t it usually the cold that’s to blame?

boat in snow

Comments
9 Responses to “Are We Really Going to Blame This on Black Magic?”
  1. Joey says:

    black magic? i’ll have to use that one. my last girlfriend didn’t believe me when i said it was the cold, in the middle of a texas summer.

  2. Kentucky Jim says:

    Hmmm. Don’t think I see any penii in that picture.

  3. Wow, and I thought all I had to worry about was waking up in a strange bathtub sans a kidney:

    http://sanddollaradventures.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/travelers-cautioned-stop-shopping-for-used-organs/

    As if we guys weren’t under enough performance anxiety already!

  4. Dash says:

    Thanks! Now we know the true meaning of Doyle Bramhall’s song “Lost in the Congo.”

  5. amanda says:

    Are we ready to check out the Grand Isle tarpon rodeo? end of july–a fascinating fishing extravaganza. I think its time to start making plans–no snow or shrunken anything down there. Big Fish and Hot Water. BTW my grandfather weighed in at 365—his blue marlin, of course. Ten minutes after the final weigh-in and fifty pounds over the winner! He left the fish at a gas station in Golden Meadow. Don’t you think I should try and retrieve it. Will it be a taxidermed mess? Its from the 1950′s. It does have a plaque. My middle name on my drivers lis. is his last name….

  6. Dave - SLF says:

    Wow, that Congo voodoo works quite a distance. I’m down to just one now. I’ve had no complaints, but you should’ve seen my schedule before…

  7. Fishnwithotis says:

    It is time that the truth of the real effect of Global Warming comes out. Government sources have informed other goverment sources that Penis Shrinkage has topped ice cap melt as the number #1 byproduct of Global Warming. Steps are being taken to inform more Government sources about this issue. If you have a government source please make sure they are informed. If you have a penis, watch it carefully as this “Black Magic” could happen to you too. No penis haver should ever have to hear the words “It looks like a penis, only smaller”……..

  8. Larry Nash says:

    Wait! There is a cure!
    Buying the right bigass V8 4X4 has been shown to actually increase penis size in the owners of said vehicles. S’truth! Just ask ‘em.
    Now if you can afford the gas you can be protected.
    -Honda driver.

  9. Meetw/oFeet says:

    Here’s some helpful advise for some: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ7Ue5emo6I

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