Will Somebody Bring The Lady A Beer?

Apparently the creepy image of the guy in the Cricketeer suit was the last straw.


In between fishing stories I’ve talked about weed cupcakes, shrinking penises, skinny-dipping, beer, beer, more beer, shown videos of half-naked chicks baked out of their minds at a Willie Nelson picnic, cussed, ranted, called a supreme court justice ‘Darlin’, made disparaging remarks about osprey nests, and wrote an entire post on the pros and cons of spoon-casting.

But the Cricketeer suit was too much for yall?

Whew. My instincts are way off. My father is a pretty loyal reader of this blog and when I noticed he hadn’t chimed in this week, I rang him up and pried for his take on the Cricketeer. I think these are pretty much his exact comments:

“I tend to agree with your readers who felt the need to vomit in their own mouths.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but it’s really not your best work.”

“Let’s just say if I were a first-time visitor, I wouldn’t come back.”

“Don’t worry, even Hemingway couldn’t bat a thousand.”

“Whoa, I’d follow up with a conservation topic if I were you.”

“Why don’t you do what real writers do and have a cache of story ideas on-hand for a slow week?”

“No matter what, don’t tell your red fishing story. I’d hold off on that one for awhile.”

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. And was a short conversation.

So with that in mind I settled-in to write a sensible, thought-provoking fishing piece that would appeal to the masses and keep everyone’s breakfast down. Hmmm, I’m sure we could all have a lively conversation about the current argument over access on the Applegate River in Oregon. Stream access debates are always a good time.

Or there’s my on-going fascination with the Why Wild movement. Having spent the bulk of my career brainwashing the American public with sharp advertising messages and cutting edge graphics, I am fascinated by their approach to this conservation issue. Eat more of the very species we are trying to save. At first it seems counter-intuitive, but their presentation is so sophisticated and fresh that I am halfway out the door to the grocery to buy wild salmon and cook it for dinner.

Oh wait, I don’t cook.

So I could talk about a personal favorite, the evils of Leafy Spurge. I know, I know, sounds like a bad name for a garage band. But really it’s a noxious weed that is eroding the banks of the Smith River, and it’s quite serious.

Compelling topics, all of them, but I couldn’t seem to focus. I was batting some ideas around with a friend and he concurred that it was probably time to do a meaty, substantive post. After all, people are going to start to think I am a little crazy.

I’m so sorry…what was that? Did he just call me crazy? Crazy?

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Well hells bells, I am from the South for heavens sake. You tell ‘em Julia…

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Screw it. I may be a little weighted toward the color in my commentary of late, but certainly my fellow fishing writers have the conservation issues covered at the moment. These blogging boys always beat me to the punch on the substantive topics anyway. And they write about them so passionately and thoroughly – I’d hate to seem redundant. 

Then again, Patsy copied one man’s crazy words and just sang ‘em in her own special way. I think we can all agree that worked out quite well…

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So maybe I do have a little conservation speak in me. But it’s Friday. Stream access, endangered fish and noxious weeds will be waiting for us on Monday. For now, why doesn’t somebody just bring me a beer and I’ll tell you all about the time I caught a Texas redfish in my bra & panties…

21 Responses to “Will Somebody Bring The Lady A Beer?”
  1. The Question has to be asked: Why was the redfish wearing your bra and panties?

    That part seems odd.

  2. Harry says:

    Good question Tom-I for one cannot wait to hear her answer. Must have been one hell of a party!

  3. Day Tripper says:

    You don’t cook?

  4. “The Question has to be asked: Why was the redfish wearing your bra and panties?”

    See Tom, now I read that differently. I figured she just didn’t have a rod or a net, and so used her bra and panties. Took some coordinated effort I’m sure.

    Anyway, It’s already afternoon on Friday and the FFC’s probably well past the first of those beers she’s asked someone to bring her, lounging around listening to Patsy or Willie and cleaning her fishing gear(bra&panties)getting ready for the next outing, so we may not get this thing cleared up ’til Monday.

    Meanwhile, I’ve gotta pick up my Crickateer from the cleaner’s in time for my yoga class.

  5. Smells: Good point. Given the amount of trouble I still have had with those damned hooks in high school, there’s no way a redfish — once hooked — could escape.

  6. heehee…oh now this is fun

    for now I will simply say…the redfish was not wearing my bra/panties, although the visual is quite entertaining. nor did I hook the fish with the hook of my bra. that would have required a sporting finesse and hand-eye coordination — rest assured I had neither on the day in question

  7. Anthony says:

    FF Chick – This is Anthony from Fly Talk. First time on your blog – cool stuff. Great stories and keep them coming.

  8. Kentucky Jim says:

    Anthony seems a bit staid for this crowd. Otherwise, I’m left speechless by the erudite observations of TC and Smells. I will, however, take some time to try to find that video of half naked chicks at the Willie picnic. That’s gonna teach me how better to catch trout, right?

  9. KBarton10 says:

    Ignore all the above comments, most chose Spey rods due to feelings of … inadequacy.

    The Cricketeer post was fine and comfortably “outside the box” – this is the New Media, gals have every right to lay waste to the “norm”, question the status quo, and make menfolk vomit.

    …I get the same reaction from pastel colors and new wave angling, I’m just polite enough not to spill down my shirtfront.

    You go, Girl.

  10. Alabama flygirl says:

    “Meaty, substantive post” = boring!!!

    Someone bring the lady a beer…

  11. Just for the record, I actually follow your blog—and a few other fly-fishing ones, esp. over at http://singlebarbed.com —especially for the non-fly fishing blogs.

    Hell, I am supposed to be writing about travel and I just did a blog about O.D.-ing on tequila!

    Keep up with the “color commentary.” And with the immense male following you certainly have created, pops is probably just being protective. Can’t blame him a bit.

  12. Lane K says:

    yes.back to beer and handguns.

  13. Bourbon Jim – I spent some time looking for the photos of half naked chicks at the Willie picnic too – but got distracted when the girls gone braless infomercial came on t.v. I assume those girls must fish the Guadalupe too. God bless their little hearts.

    KBarton – I hope you’re not insinuating that I vomited down my shirtfront. After all, I was wearing a clean Triumph shirt. Gotta be careful with the stylish threads. No need to bother if you’re wearing the Harley Davidson attire. That’s the kinda thing that got me thrown off the Trout Underground that day. I’m more careful now.

    Hey, speaking of the redfish in bra and panties – what ever happened to Mr. Limpet? He’d a dug that, I’m sure.

  14. KY JIM– Anthony’s just being polite with his first comment over here. I know b/c when I first “met” him over on the FLYTALK blog, he called me Sweet Cheeks right out of the gate

    ANTHONY — you’re welcome here anytime. don’t forget to serenade us with Sinatra and call all the women here Sweet Cheeks or Sugar Doll. esp Alabama Flyfirl

    ALFLYGIRL — check out this thread over on FLYTALK and tell me you don’t agree with me in the comments…

    TRVLWRTER — loved your post about tequila and can’t stop laughing at the image of those sheep

    KY JIM & SLF — don’t get too excited now. the half naked women were in one of the vids on my Happy Bday Willie post. And I don’t think we have any Mr Limpets around here! seems like a virile lot of anglers to me

    and finally…

    sorry DAYTRIPPER. sad but true…I’m not a very good cook.

  15. Dustbowl Dan says:

    So, you want a Lone Star,Pearl, Kalik, Belikin, or Pig’s Ass Porter?

  16. Alabama flygirl says:

    Yes, I do agree with your comments! I love the traditional “sweetheart” as well!! I like that blog…had not run across that one yet. Thanks for sharing!

  17. O.Ding on tequila…see if you all would give up that damn beer passion of yours and stick to the finer side of alcohol consumption, TEQUILA….you would all see the redfish in the skimpy attire the same way I do BLUUUUUURED…and by the way you can’t OD on TEQUILA, nope can’t do it…it just can’t be done.

    FFC…with my passion ucovered above, I bet you can cook real WEEEEELLLLLL

    Monty Montana……oh and one last thing…TC you still suffer from the effects of trying to warm your house with the snowblower….like inhaleing the gas fumes indoors, how could you possibly come up with that comment on your own. I bet the L&T helped you, or was it Roberts….pretty cool though.

  18. Kentucky Jim says:

    Well, FFC, I’m no guide, but for the record, I prefer “Darlin’” or “Hon”. But then, I’m from Kentucky; just because I’ve lived in L.A. for the past 30 years doesn’t mean I’ve lost all my charm.

  19. Keahi Pelayo says:

    Thanks for posting! Great thoughts.

  20. Anthony says:

    I will become a regular on this blog. Don’t worry I will call it the way I see it.

    FF Chick – You will be Sweet Cheeks to me… and Bama Girl – I will have some compelling name for you as well.

    Both of you are cool chicks, especially as you both like the long rod. Have a great week.

  21. Derik D. says:

    Hey I thought the whole suit thing was hilarious. I am glad you are having fun with this like an Austinite should know how. There is no rule that because you flyfish you need to be old dry and uptite.

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