This Is So Beneath Me
October 31st, 2008
When you don’t have the time or energy to aim high, sometimes it’s better just to sink low. Normally I am not entertained by lowbrow disgusting humor. I was never one to fall for the pull my finger gag or laugh at the boys in elementary school who made fart noises with their armpits. I don’t like jokes about flatulence, snot or other bodily functions.
But for some reason this just keeps me in stitches. Those of you who got queasy from my post on The Cricketeer might want to put down your breakfast tacos. Or skip this post entirely.
So last week we enjoyed beers, burgers and laughs with Gaper, Spinner and Mike at The Melrose Bar in Montana. Just as the jukebox was in full swing and we were all feeling warm and jolly, it was time to leave. We traded hugs and fond farewells…and off we went. We wandered from the bar, musing about what a great day it had been, when The Professor noticed this vile frozen mess on his boat:
What is it????? I was both disgusted and horrified. It was pretty nasty. But for some reason I could not stop laughing! I mean, uncontrollable, adolescent, giddy, ridiculous laughter. Just when I stopped laughing and gained composure, I would think about it and fall right back into a pile of hysteria and giggles.
Someone vomited on the boat! Are you kidding me? I recalled some very very drunk guys who were at the bar when we arrived. They were pretty obnoxious, and I staunchly rebuffed their boisterous (and bad Kenny Chesney) song requests when I was at the jukebox. I deduced that they had staggered from the bar and thrown up in our boat as revenge.
At first, The Professor agreed with me. But he soon tired of my trippy laughter over the whole mess and offered a less disgusting theory. Perhaps I left my G2 unopened on the boat, it spilled, mixed with some dirt and froze in this uniquely vomit-like pattern. I don’t know…but whatever it is, some of it splattered into my wading boots.
What do you think? Keep it moderately appropriate, of course. But don your best Honkytonk CSI skills and help solve the mystery.
What is this ghoulish mess on the drift boat?
October 31st, 2008 at 10:09 am
That ain’t vomit, that’s fudge!
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October 31st, 2008 at 11:19 am
Clearly Buster’s diabolical plan to spoil your blissful MT experience by feeding chili to every stork we could find PAID OFF! MOO AH AH AH!
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October 31st, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Aha! I should have known the boys at BUSTER had something to do with this.
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October 31st, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Seriously though, Buster applauds you for paving the way for those of us who’ve always wanted to write about mystery barf. You’re a trailblazer.
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October 31st, 2008 at 1:33 pm
what can I say? instead of hitting my head on the glass ceiling, I have chosen to dig myself a deeper hole in this sandbox.
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October 31st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
That was a can of coke or root beer that froze and split the can open. When it freezes it usually foams as the CO2 escapes causing the lighter.
or. . .
it is refried bean barf.
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October 31st, 2008 at 1:50 pm
lighter color
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October 31st, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I think maybe my cat made his way to your drift boat. I am guessing giant hairball!!
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October 31st, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Well, how about a hint…
What did it taste like???
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November 1st, 2008 at 1:07 am
mmmmmm? Looks like vomit!
mmmmmm? smells like vomit!
mmmmmm? tastes like vomit!
Thank goodness we didn’t sit on it!
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November 1st, 2008 at 6:22 am
Think I gotta go with the refried bean barf.
Regardless-I think I would give those boots a good dose of Lysol-just in case!
Is that a footprint I see?
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November 3rd, 2008 at 9:21 am
Ugghh,
Ole’ lady Kharma decided to put one over on ya and now all you gotta do is wait for the good stuff to happen.
Next post please!
-Jim
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November 3rd, 2008 at 11:18 am
Ha! Fair enough Jim. A post about vomit is pretty bad, I’ll grant you that. But it still makes me laugh.
Nevertheless I have more fishing tales to tell. Will spin another yarn from my recent Montana trip…probably this evening when I have a few spare minutes to write it out….
Hope everyone had a safe Halloween weekend and is enjoying a nice Monday.
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November 3rd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Doesn’t anybody every say “puke” anymore?
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November 4th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
It’s not chunky enough to be vomit. I think someone’s coke spewed and then froze. At least that’s what I keep telling myself anyway.
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November 6th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Was it cold? was it hard? what did it smell like ? Who cleaned it up? who let the burrito leak?
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November 12th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
I think a Spam bot just attacked this site. That guy above this post.
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April 15th, 2009 at 5:27 am
The style of writing is very familiar . Did you write guest posts for other blogs?
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