This Is So Beneath Me

When you don’t have the time or energy to aim high, sometimes it’s better just to sink low. Normally I am not entertained by lowbrow disgusting humor. I was never one to fall for the pull my finger gag or laugh at the boys in elementary school who made fart noises with their armpits. I don’t like jokes about flatulence, snot or other bodily functions.

But for some reason this just keeps me in stitches. Those of you who got queasy from my post on The Cricketeer might want to put down your breakfast tacos. Or skip this post entirely.

So last week we enjoyed beers, burgers and laughs with Gaper, Spinner and Mike at The Melrose Bar in Montana. Just as the jukebox was in full swing and we were all feeling warm and jolly, it was time to leave. We traded hugs and fond farewells…and off we went. We wandered from the bar, musing about what a great day it had been, when The Professor noticed this vile frozen mess on his boat:

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What is it????? I was both disgusted and horrified. It was pretty nasty. But for some reason I could not stop laughing! I mean, uncontrollable, adolescent, giddy, ridiculous laughter. Just when I stopped laughing and gained composure, I would think about it and fall right back into a pile of hysteria and giggles.

Someone vomited on the boat! Are you kidding me? I recalled some very very drunk guys who were at the bar when we arrived. They were pretty obnoxious, and I staunchly rebuffed their boisterous (and bad Kenny Chesney) song requests when I was at the jukebox. I deduced that they had staggered from the bar and thrown up in our boat as revenge.

At first, The Professor agreed with me. But he soon tired of my trippy laughter over the whole mess and offered a less disgusting theory. Perhaps I left my G2 unopened on the boat, it spilled, mixed with some dirt and froze in this uniquely vomit-like pattern. I don’t know…but whatever it is, some of it splattered into my wading boots.

What do you think? Keep it moderately appropriate, of course. But don your best Honkytonk CSI skills and help solve the mystery.

What is this ghoulish mess on the drift boat?

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18 thoughts on “This Is So Beneath Me

  1. Clearly Buster’s diabolical plan to spoil your blissful MT experience by feeding chili to every stork we could find PAID OFF! MOO AH AH AH!

  2. Seriously though, Buster applauds you for paving the way for those of us who’ve always wanted to write about mystery barf. You’re a trailblazer.

  3. That was a can of coke or root beer that froze and split the can open. When it freezes it usually foams as the CO2 escapes causing the lighter.

    or. . .

    it is refried bean barf.

  4. Think I gotta go with the refried bean barf.

    Regardless-I think I would give those boots a good dose of Lysol-just in case!

    Is that a footprint I see?

  5. Ugghh,

    Ole’ lady Kharma decided to put one over on ya and now all you gotta do is wait for the good stuff to happen.

    Next post please!
    -Jim

  6. Ha! Fair enough Jim. A post about vomit is pretty bad, I’ll grant you that. But it still makes me laugh.

    Nevertheless I have more fishing tales to tell. Will spin another yarn from my recent Montana trip…probably this evening when I have a few spare minutes to write it out….

    Hope everyone had a safe Halloween weekend and is enjoying a nice Monday.

  7. It’s not chunky enough to be vomit. I think someone’s coke spewed and then froze. At least that’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

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