Now if there actually were an FFC legal team looking over my shoulder (ha!) I am pretty sure they would counsel me sternly to state that that I do not, under any circumstance, endorse putting a bonefish in one’s pocket. You dumbass.

Okay, so I added the dumbass part myself, but hopefully we all know that it is, in fact, not a wise move to put a bonefish (ie, shark bait) in your pocket when you’re fishing out on the flats.

Unless…and I stress that this is a very unique circumstance….unless you are fishing with these super special Patagonia Shark Proof Pants! Now I rarely write gear reviews but this experience begs a glowing endorsement for some life saving pants.

You see on the very first morning of our recent Exuma fishing trip we dropped my dad out on a flat to wade on his own. We have the drill down to a science, leaving him with a walkie talkie in case he needs to reach us. Call me crazy, but don’t you think a shark attack seems like a fairly good excuse to pull out the radio and give us a Breaker Breaker 1-9?

We never heard from him so we decided to check in. All was fine, he was seeing lots of fish. An hour or so later we pull up to find my dad grinning ear-to-ear. Upon closer review we noticed that the pocket of his pants was torn and shredded. Our initial guess was he got tangled in the mangroves?

Oh no. Apparently a lemon shark pounced on him while he was trying to release a bonefish! The shark missed the fish by about a foot and somehow managed to get nothing but a mouthful of Patagonia pocket, barely scratching my dad’s leg.

Chalk it up to some good mojo pants or maybe just a young, puppy-like shark with bad aim, but either way he is pretty darn lucky.

Unfortunately the magical Patagonia Shark Proof pants are an old style and I don’t even think you can get them any longer. (See how lame I am at gear reviews?) So you might as well just heed the warning of my fake lawyers…No bonefish in the pockets, people. Got it?