Now if there actually were an FFC legal team looking over my shoulder (ha!) I am pretty sure they would counsel me sternly to state that that I do not, under any circumstance, endorse putting a bonefish in one’s pocket. You dumbass.

Okay, so I added the dumbass part myself, but hopefully we all know that it is, in fact, not a wise move to put a bonefish (ie, shark bait) in your pocket when you’re fishing out on the flats.

Unless…and I stress that this is a very unique circumstance….unless you are fishing with these super special Patagonia Shark Proof Pants! Now I rarely write gear reviews but this experience begs a glowing endorsement for some life saving pants.

You see on the very first morning of our recent Exuma fishing trip we dropped my dad out on a flat to wade on his own. We have the drill down to a science, leaving him with a walkie talkie in case he needs to reach us. Call me crazy, but don’t you think a shark attack seems like a fairly good excuse to pull out the radio and give us a Breaker Breaker 1-9?

We never heard from him so we decided to check in. All was fine, he was seeing lots of fish. An hour or so later we pull up to find my dad grinning ear-to-ear. Upon closer review we noticed that the pocket of his pants was torn and shredded. Our initial guess was he got tangled in the mangroves?

Oh no. Apparently a lemon shark pounced on him while he was trying to release a bonefish! The shark missed the fish by about a foot and somehow managed to get nothing but a mouthful of Patagonia pocket, barely scratching my dad’s leg.

Chalk it up to some good mojo pants or maybe just a young, puppy-like shark with bad aim, but either way he is pretty darn lucky.

Unfortunately the magical Patagonia Shark Proof pants are an old style and I don’t even think you can get them any longer. (See how lame I am at gear reviews?) So you might as well just heed the warning of my fake lawyers…No bonefish in the pockets, people. Got it?

Heavens, I am sooo sorry. How rude of me. I do not know what came over me.

I suppose it was the sweet sweet smell of victory because as it turns out….I am kicking your ass!

That’s right. You heard me. I am in the lead, poised for glory, drafting my acceptance speech as we speak.

What’s that? You don’t know what I’m talking about? C’mon now, don’t play me like that. But….on the off chance you actually have no idea, I suppose I could take a moment to explain.

You see, a few weeks ago esteemed fly-fishing guide turned celebrity fly-fishing author Miles Nolte released his first book, The Alaska Chronicles. If you have not already ordered your copy, I implore you….run don’t walk. This is your chance to be on the cutting edge of the latest cult literary sensation.

In his destined-to-be-epic book, Miles outlines his summer as a fishing guide in Alaska. Of course there are euphoric accounts of giant rainbows, dry fly hatches and sockeye madness, but the real magic is his unabashed, unpretentious story of survival.

Surviving the elements is impressive in its own right – nature, mosquitoes, bears. But the substantive tale of Miles’ endurance is much more gritty and entertaining: it’s about surviving boats that refuse to cooperate, backaches, composting toilets, rookie guides, bad clients, good clients, carpentry projects, and not the least of all, one’s own thoughts that apparently tend to ferment in the still of the night in a Weatherport tent.

This book is raw, funny, hard, inspiring and essential. No doubt it will serve as a badge of honor on fly-fishers’ bookshelves for generations to come.

I am also a huge fan of Tosh Brown who founded Departure Publising and made this book a reality for the world to experience. But before you start to pat me on the back for being such a loyal supporter of both Miles & Tosh, you should know there’s something in it for me.

You see Tosh has announced a CONTEST to celebrate the launch of this book. Basically, you buy the book, send in a picture of your copy of Alaska Chronicles in the most random, exotic, hysterical and/or dramatic setting possible. If you win, Tosh is going to give you a TFO Flyrod.

I know! A free flyrod!

Which brings me full circle to my over-the-top gloating, because as you can see, I am already winning:

That said, it’s kinda lonely here at the top. The taste of victory is losing its luster since no one else has actually entered, and I need some competition. So tarry not! Buy your book, devour it cover to cover, and get in the game!

Did I mention you could win a FREE FLYROD?

Congratulations to Miles & Tosh for a badass literary endeavor. And may the best person win the flyrod.

Game on.

Fly South is as good as it gets. Not only do they have a deep inventory of good gear, tying materials and clothing, owner Jim Mauries and his crew, Jim Monroe & Steve Nix, know all there is to know about how to use it, when to wear it, where to throw it, and why to tie it. If you have any questions about fishing some of the Tennessee tailwaters, these are the guys to call.

On top of that they are good people. Last year when my dad had knee surgery they actually sent a care package to the house with fishing books and dvds to entertain him during his recovery.

Everyone in there is laid back and super knowledgeable. But I will say, Steve Nix deserves special mention as he has the unique burden honor of also being my very own Casting Consiglieri.

Steve had been trying to get my dad to come in and have his cast analyzed with one of those fancy Sims computer assessors like Tiger Woods uses to improve his golf swing. Well my dad wouldn’t have anything to do with that. So I went in there and scarified my own casting ego on the Sims Electronic Altar of Humiliation.

Steve hooked me up to this rod that had a computer plugged into the butt section. The he took me out to the parking lot to cast. In the blink of an eye the computer generated an entire host of charts and percentages and bell curves and diagrams.

What did I learn?

Well, I learned that there were no fish in the parking lot.

Steve would instruct me to “cast sideways to that rising fish under that over-hanging bush.” My heart would race and I would perk up, ready to cast. I actually had this Pavlovian reaction a few times before I figured it out…imaginary fish…imaginary bushes.

You see, Steve knew right off that I was not a caster for casters sake. I cast to catch fish, plain and simple. Nothing pretty or refined or Tiger Woods-like about it. I’m just trying to get the job done. So instead of focusing too much on the mechanics of casting, he tailored the lesson to the specific type of fishing with which I had some experience.

Then he hit me with the cold harsh reality of the charts and graphs.

The computer results – which were really interesting – agreed that I had some work to do. Mainly on a smoother acceleration of power in my back cast. Steve spent hours with me on a frigid December day helping me to fine tune and take it to the next level. I’m still amazed at his patience with me.

And hopefully this spring we are going to trade imaginary parking lot fish for real fish on the Caney. Until then, I will continue to sing the praises Fly South, as Nashville is extraordinarily fortunate to have a flyshop of such caliber. So if you find yourself down & out on Music Row, migrate on over to Fly South. You won’t regret it.

You may recall that on my trip to Montana just a few weeks ago I met a guy named Gaper who had written a fishing book. Well in a fortuitous plot twist it turns out his publisher, Tosh Brown, lives right here in Austin Texas! Soon after I wrote my post about Gaper, a mutual friend connected me with Tosh.

Next thing you know we’re having coffee at Austin Java and brainstorming ways to spread the word about his new project. Cause it’s a good one. 

Tosh is a venerable outdoor photographer and author who recently launched a new company called Departure Publishing. I’ll spare you the traditional press-release speak and say bluntly: This Is Not Your Father’s Outdoor Book Publisher.

It’s no secret digital cameras and message boards have redefined the relationship between fly-fishing and media. A relationship that was once a predictable, stale marriage is now a torrid and tumultuous affair.

Tosh wants to harness this same edge and energy into the world of outdoor print. He plans to publish writers that speak to (and sometimes even shout at) the innovative, yet disenfranchised derelicts who embody the ever-warring extremes of idealism and cynicism within fly-fishing.

Uh, I think he’s talking to us.

Miles is his debut author. Miles Nolte (aka Gaper) was a fishing guide in Alaska who detailed his daily adventures in a bulletin board thread on The Drake website. The thread, titled AK Chronicles, became so popular that throngs of people were logging on daily to follow his journey. His book, The Alaska Chronicles, is based on the now infamous posts on The Drake and will be available Spring 2009.

It doesn’t get more grassroots than that. The guy didn’t even start with a blog. He posted a thread in a bulletin board. It’s like the field of dreams….if you post it they will come….and read it. And comment. And rant. And beg for more. Let’s just say when it comes to fly-fishing, Miles Nolte puts the cult in culture.

Support your fellow troutlaws who are trying to shake things up and bring you something fresh. Visit the Departure website to learn more about the backstory and sign up to win a FREE signed copy of the book. This book is bound (hardbound in fact) to cause a stir and you could have a free signed copy. Just click here to enter your name for the drawing.

No duplicate entries and dead relatives are not eligible. Good luck and CHEERS to Tosh & Miles for laying it all on the line in an effort to entertain and make a difference.

A good reminder that sometimes what you’re looking for is closer than you realize.

I love this picture and keep it in a frame on my desk because it makes me laugh out loud every single day. But despite the fact that I type away with my nose right under it for hours at a time, ironically, the lesson was recently lost on me.

About six weeks ago I was in a flyshop and saw the new Patagonia Sun Shade shirt. And I wanted it. Unfortunately they only had the men’s so I launched into the usual drill of looking for the women’s version online. It didn’t take long to find it at several online retailers.

I don’t know what weird hoodoo was at play with me and this damn shirt, but I literally ordered it three separate times from three separate online retailers. Each time they took my order and each time they came with some quirky problem. Sorry, it’s actually out of stock. Sorry we forgot to process your order, do you still want it. Sorry, we don’t actually carry it in that color.

Getting the damn Patagonia Sun Shade Shirt has become a bit of an obsession.

Yesterday I had some time to kill so I wandered down the way to Sportsman’s Finest. After all my online research and calling around, I walk right into my local flyshop and there’s the damn shirt. Why didn’t I just start there? They had plenty of sizes and colors to choose from. Mens and womens alike.

Sometimes what you want is closer than you realize.

To some degree this theme continued as day turned into evening and evening turned into a late night on the town. I went to a swanky artsy fundraiser last night but dashed from there to The Saxon Pub to see Seth Walker play. I needed a dose of blues music and a bit of boogie.

Now you may recall from my post on Springfest, Seth Walker was a highlight of the whole Florida weekend. You may also recall I get very shy around musicians.

So last night I sashay up to the Saxon Pub in my party clothes and lo and behold…there was Seth Walker hanging out on the sidewalk. Ooh la la! I acted like a bumbling fool but I did muster the nerve to fawn all over him and tell him all about traveling to Florida to see him play and how great he was.

He could not have been kinder. But he did laugh and say, “You went all the way to Florida to hear me and you haven’t ever heard me play here?”

Yeah yeah, Seth. I know.

Sometimes what you need is closer than you realize.